Before you ask - yes I did see Gogglebox

Well - that wasn't exactly part of the plan, to be honest with you.

Hey, look, if you paint a target on your back, you're going to catch a few bullets.
(Jealous  *&$$£!!!s)

Mary is still wetting herself laughing.

Antiques Roadshow

If you haven't seen my appearance on the Antiques Roadshow, and you'd like to, it's currently on the iplayer, about 9 or 10 minutes into the show.

Antiques Roadshow iplayer

It'll be there until next Sunday, I think.

This is me with glass expert Andy McConnell, wishing he'd hold my bowl a little more tightly.

LAM Podcast 20

In this week's show: -

General Knowledge questions
Birmingham Mega Quiz
Mastermind - University Challenge - Only Connect
The Court of Public Opinion
Do You Remember
Answers to last week's questions

In The News

In the News

Who or what are the following and why have they been in the news?

Glen A. Larson

Wake Me Up

Abdul Rahman Kassig

Sebastian Ogier

Fara Williams

Jack Cottle

Tam O’Brann

Isa Guha

Tania Clarence

The Prince’s Drawing School

Jared and Serena Gambling

Julien Blanc

Sir John Cass Foundation and Redcoat School

Gemma Collins

Broadway Hotel, Blackpool

Tom Kristensen

The Duchess of Alba

Nicola Sturgeon

Emily Thornberry

Dave Prowse

Ineos

Dave Whelan

Will Stevens

Melinda Gates

George Kemp

Andy Coulson

Jim Webb

Jason Knauf

In Other News

Who was the 6^th person out of Strictly Come Dancing?

What was the score in the Euro qualifier between Wales and Belgium?

– and England and Slovenia?

What was the result of the ATP world finals?

What was the score in the RU test between Scotland and the All Blacks?

 – and Wales and Fiji?

– and England and South Africa?

– and France and Australia?

The General Synod passed which significant piece of legislation last week?

Who severely injured his arm and cheek while cycling in Central Park last week?

Where did Argentina and Portugal play a friendly match last week?

Which former GB rugby player joined St Helens as Assistant Coach?

Which anniversary did Lotto celebrate last week?

What controversial rating was the Paddington Bear movie given last week?

Which long term prisoner announced he was getting married last week?

What was the score in the friendly football international between England and Scotland?

Which city has been awarded the 2019 IAAF World Athletics Championship?

What was the score between Portugal and Argentina?

Who savaged Ed Milliband on ITV’s “The Agenda”?

Who was appointed manager of Wigan FC?

Which venue hosted the first ever full rugby union test match on an artificial pitch?

Which Motown singer passed away aged 78?

Which conference side knocked Portsmouth out of the FA Cup?

Which Oscar winning director passed away aged 83?

What did Sheffield United retract last week?

What song has been released as a celebrity single for UNICEF to celebrate 25 years of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child?

Who was clocked speeding on his push bike in Hyde Park?

What type of luggage has been banned in Venice?

Who were signed and released by Ferrari last week?

Who won the Rochester Strood bye election?

What did Ladybird Books promise?

The Occupy Movement set up camp where in London?

Whose watercolour of Munich Town Hall is to be auctioned for an estimated £40,000?

Which former Premiership footballer was one of the first ten players elected to the Asian Football Hall of Fame?

Only Connect - Match 12

Coders v. Romantics

Richard Bradley, Zoe Cunningham and skipper David Simons of the Coders were rather up against it in their first match against the Gamesmasters, and were fairly comfortably beaten. Monday’s opponents were Owen Rees, Phil Nelson and skipper Daniel Tuite of the Romantics. They were unlucky to be blitzed out of their first round match against the Orienteers on the missing vowels, the rest of the show having been nip and tuck. The form guide favoured the Romantics slightly, but there really didn’t look to be that much in it.

Round One – What’s the connection?

The Roms kicked off with Horned Viper, disappointingly voiced without stress on the second vowel. So that was their chance gone. I didn’t know AG , but I did have a clue about SA. I see that written on the back of so many lorries from the continent that I had half a mind it might be words which mean limited company or some such. I didn’t know SpA, but plc confirmed it. The Roms had it off the last clue. Water gave the Cods Ageusia – Anaesthesia – Anosmia – and at this point I felt sure we were dealing with loss of senses -  Anosmia being loss of smell. The last clue confirmed it with Deafness.The Cods had it off the last clue. Honours even so far. Two Reeds gave the Roms Geraldine Estelle. I didn’t get it at all from that. Victoria Caroline though – suddenly I started thinking Spice Girls. If the next was an Emma something or a Melanie something – well, it was a Melanie Jayne. Spice Girls then. The Roms didn’t have it yet. The last – Melanie Janine wasn’t enough to give the Roms a chance, and so it passed across to the Cods. They took a bonus and then plumped for the Eye of Horus. The first clue was Pollyanna – the second Papparazzo. Now – Papparazzo, the singular of paparazzi is a character in Fellini’s La Dolce Vita – so I did wonder whether they were all fictional characters that leant their names to particular types of person. Svengali was the third, and seemed to confirm my hypothesis. I think Richard of the Cods had the idea that they can all describe occupations and personality traits, but he said that they were all loan words from foreign languages – which was not acceptable. Man Friday was the last. The Roms beat around the bush a bit, but never came up with the words ‘fictional characters’ which was one essential part of the answer. Twisted Flax brought the music set to the Roms.Now, for the first clue it was a pleasure to hear a little bit of the theme from The Littlest Hobo. Which suggested either tramps or dogs. Old Shep came next, and both I and the Roms went for it off the two clues. Dogs it was. The Cods were left with Lion, and a picture set. First was what looked like a diamond engagement ring. Next two guys sitting in a bar with two pints in the foreground. Huh? I liked Captain David’s thinking that they are all symbols on fruit machines. He went for it – but the answer was not accepted. We saw a fridge and a horseshoe, and I didn’t get it any more than the Roms did, but of course you can put the word magnet after ring – bar – fridge and horseshoe. This meant that the Roms, by good fortune of having picked out the music rather than the picture set, led by 4 – 2.

Round Two – What comes fourth?

This time the Roms kicked off with water, and the first picture we saw was HM The Queen (Gawd Bless ‘Er) Second was Florence Nightingale. I idly wondered about £10 notes, which would mean Charles Darwin 4^th. But no. In fact, the next was Elizabeth Fry. So I reckoned it worked like this. First woman on a British banknote was the Queen. Next Flo. Lizzie Fry after that, and so the latest is Jane Austen. Thank you very much, and a point for Dave. I don’t think the Roms had a Scooby. The Cods knew it. Captain David pressed home his advantage by asking specifically for the Hornèd Viper, and really pushing that second vowel. Bravo sir. First clue showed an upper case C above an upper case U. Then CC above US. 3^rd was CCC above USS. I just didn’t know, but the Cods were talking about copyright. Then suddenly one of them suggested that it was only one step to get CCCP above USSR. Brilliant shout. OK – slight quibble time. The chances of getting a five pointer on that are way slim – which is fine if they’re all like that, but not so good if let’s say the very next clue gives the opposition a good shout at a 5 pointer. Twisted Flax gave the Roms Slieve Donard, which is the highest peak of Northern Ireland. Did this perhaps mean that we’d have Scafell Pike, then Snowdon, then Ben Nevis – highest peaks of England, Wales and Scotland in order of height? The Roms had it, but took Scafell Pike to be sure. Of course they had the right answer on Ben Nevis. A good set – but in order of early getability a good couple of levels easier than the previous. Two Reeds then gave the Cods 1p – 3p – Captain David worked it out. If you add the 2p caoin to the 1p you get 3p. If you add the next coin, the 5p, you get 8p. Trouble is that you need to take all three clues to work out and confirm that hypothesis. You cannot work out that hypothesis just from 1p, in the way that you can work out a hypothesis just from Slieve Donard. The answer as he said, was 18p. Lion gave the Roms 1:one. 2:three. 3: eleven.All I could come up with was the number of letter e’s in the word, and went for 4: seventeen. The Roms didn’t get there, but the Cods agreed with me and got the bonus. The last sequence for the Cods began with at rest. I idly wondered whether these were heraldic terms – dormant or couchant perhaps. Which would mean something like rearing up would be last, for rampant. Not even close. The second, though – is rich really suggest John Updike’s ‘Rabbit Angstrom’ novels. In which case the first was Rabbit Run. The third clue – Redux confirmed it. The Cods knew it was books, but not which ones. They didn’t get it. Neither did the Roms. This meant that the score at the end of the round was 8 – 7 to the Cods, who had certainly had the better of the round.

Round Three – The Connecting Walls

The Cods got to choose and opted for Lion. A set of Mary’s – Bloody – Virgin – Hail and Typhoid were unravelled in double quick time. Almost as quickly a set of ways to do steak followed – blue – rare – well done – medium. However they didn’t have much of a handle on the last two lines now. I could see a group of things made of ice – and eventually the Cods did as well – Granita – Cresta Run – Graupel and Saturn’s rings. Which meant that they had touched the keypad just three times, and each time cleared a line. Remarkable performance. The last set were – Chocks Away – Ascend – Hitchhike and Jump Ball. He only thing I could do with these was thumbs up – that’s what the Cods suggested, and that was good enough. Thumb gestures rather than necessarily thumbs up. A maximum of 10 which guaranteed them a lead going into the vowels.

The Cods kicked off trying to sort out a set of things used for preserving life in the sea. A group of words which can preceded the word press they could also see, but not resolve. Finally a line fell when they realised that cross – sunlight – garlic and holy water are all supposedly effective against a vampire. This enabled them to find the presses – tabloid – linen – bench and trouser. They could now see that the other lines were the equipment, and soap. So Lifebuoy was obviously the one which could be part of both lines. Putting it in the soap line with Ivory – Pears and Dove did the trick. For some reason they decided to change their connection for the Mae West set of Mae West – Noodle – Armband and kickboard to skateboarding manoeuvres. 3 points dropped in a close game could be crucial, as the Cods now led 18 – 14.

Round Four – Missing Vowels

O, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. The first set were all fictional sailing ships. Poor David, skipper of the Cods gave us THE Jolly Roger instead of Jolly Roger, and lost a point. Then the Roms took that and the other three clues, and the lead. Old name and new name fell 2 – 1 to the Rooms, whose 20 – 18 lead was looking ominous for the Cods. Islands named after the day of discovery came next, and the Cods fought back with the first two. They followed up with Ascension Island and Easter Island for a 4 – 0 shut out and a two point lead. Flat Horse races went 3 – 1 to the Roms and all was square again. Days before English bank holidays went 1 apiece. We had a tie break situation! One clue – only skippers can answer. A wrong answer and it’s all over – a right answer and you’re through. David saw it first – Winner Stays On. Indeed he does, and so does his team – for another game at least. As for the Roms we have to say farewell, but thanks for such a good game. 

University Challenge - Round Two - Match Two

Durham v. York

In their first round the Durham team of Daniel Morgan – Thomas, Freddie Lloyd, Nikul Boyd-Shah and their captain Fred Harvey completely overwhelmed an outgunned Brasenose team. Their opposition tonight, York, in the collective shape of Jack Alexander, Adam Koper, Joe Crowther and skipper Alistair Middleton, had less of a free ride in their own first round heat, but finished with daylight between themselves and their opponents, Corpus Christi, Cambridge. Let’s get on with the show.

Daniel Morgan-Thomas heard the name Terry Deary, and that was enough to let him in for ‘horrible histories’. This opening salvo brought up bonuses on lines of poetry written in the 1850s. Durham had the same two that I had. Various definitions of the word zero brought Nikul Boyd-Shah into play, as he took his team’s second starter. In the bonuses they were asked for a monarch, and offered Edward VII, but it was another overweight irreligious womaniser, in the corpulent shape of George IV. They picked up the other 2 bonuses on my 2007 semi final specialist subject. Alistair Middleton opened York’s account knowing that the coin which first appeared in a different form in 1986, but now has the words of Isaac Newton around the rim, is the £2 coin. Me, I thought that they were the words of Oasis. Film stars added another 10 points to their score. Fred Harvey correctly guessed that the emerald green sea slug uses photosynthesis. Good trick if you can do it. We both had two of the bonuses on biochemistry that followed. The picture starter that followed showed the crest of a European football club with helpful words etc removed. I guessed Olympiakos, as did Adam Koper. Three more crests – all referring to Greek history or mythology – followed, and York took a full house with Sparta Prague – Atalanta and Ajax. A set of definitions of words that all contain a double Z was picked up by Daniel Morgan-Thomas. Two word phrases which can be abbreviated to the letters PR brought another 10 points. This meant that at the 10 minute mark Durham looked good value for their 80 – 45 lead.

Alistair Middleton knew that The Treaty of Hubertusburg ended the central European stages of the Seven Years War. This brought up bonuses on musical instruments made from organic material. They managed one, but they were going to need more than this if they were to stop Durham disappearing over the event horizon. The next starter was an old chestnut which gave the full version of the oft shortened quote in which Graham Greene compared Fred Astaire to a human Mickey Mouse. Nobody fancied it at first. Alistair  Middleton had a sensible punt with Charlie Chaplin, and Nikul Boyd-Shah tried Harold Lloyd. Well, if you’ve never heard it before, you’ve never heard it. Nikul Boyd Shah took the next starter on World Heritage Sites, and this earned a lovely UC special set. Durham were asked to take a name – eg Moscow – and split it into chemical element symbols – then give the answer in terms of the full names of the elements. So Mo Sc O W gave Molybdenum, Scandium, Oxygen, Tungsten – which incidentally were four of the rejected suggestions for names of the Beckhams’ kids. They managed Lisbon, but Tirana was a city too far. It was interesting to watch the grimace cross the features of Adam Koper when JP announced that the next starter would be the music starter. Fred Harvey was very quickly in to recognise the strains of Pachelbel’s Canon. The bonuses were pieces of pop music which had the same chord progression (what?). Immediately I predicted we’d hear ‘Altogether Now’ by The Farm. We did too, but only after the Pet Shop Boys. That was the only one that Durham managed. Alistair Middleton buzzed in to answer that Marriot’s Law is known as Boyle’s Law in Anglophone countries. Some Mathsy stuff on prime numbers provided them with a full set of bonuses. Given the words Shona – landlocked – between Zambesi and Limpopo rivers the teams should probably have arrived at Zimbabwe for the next starter, but neither did. Nikul Boyd-Shah did well with the next one, though. Hearing sister – dentist and artist we both chanced our arms with American Gothic, and were both right. This earned Durham a set on infectious childhood diseases, which were all quite rightly dispatched over the boundary rope. Alistair Middleton, who played such a sterling captain’s innings in this match, took a very early buzz on coral reefs for the next starter. 2 bonuses on artistic genres meant that on the cusp of the 20 minute mark the gap was narrower, as Durham led by 130 – 110.

Joe Crowther narrowed the gap further by buzzing in to identify the photo of Martin Sheen as President Jed Bartlett. Fictional characters closely identified with educational institutions provided them with a full set, and the lead for the first time in the match. Nikul Boyd-Shah correctly answered that St. Paul’s letter composed at Corinth in 57AD was 1^st Romans.  2 bonuses were taken on cosmetics, and Durham were ahead again. A good, fast buzz from Freddie Lloyd identified Optimism as the subtitle of Candide. The verb 'to do' in various European languages only provided one bonus, but the clock was rapidly becoming Durham’s friend. Nobody knew that it was Vancouver named after an English explorer for the next starter, and the clock ran down a little more. Alistair Middleton was first to work out that the two planets of the solar system whose names contain the name of the nearest star in reverse were VeNUS and UraNUS. Some good answers on African countries narrowed the gap again, and when Joe Crowther answered that Lord Liverpool was Prime Minister while John Quincy Adams was US President, the teams were level. Particle physics did for them though, as they scored no more than I did. Adam Koper did exactly what you have to do when you’re in a tide game so late in the match, and buzzed early for the next starter. It was bad luck that the answer was incorrect, but I still maintain that he had to go for it. Given the full question Daniel Morgan-Thomas knew that it was referring to Ephesus. German winners of the Nobel Prize for Literature added another 10 points to the Durham lead. Asked which profession were excluded from Henry IV’s so called Unlearned Parliament, Alistair Middleton zigged with clergy, which allowed Daniel Morgan-Thomas to seal the game by zagging with lawyers. Bonuses on Ten Days that Shook the World took them to 200, and a 40 point lead. Once again Alastair Middleton went for it with the starter, and once again Durham provided the correct answer – in this case that tachyons are the hypothetical particles that can travel faster than the speed of light. There was no time for the bonuses on literary figures born in Shropshire. At the gong, Durham had won by 200 to 160. This was in some ways a better performance than their thrashing of Brasenose, who were, without wishing to be rude, only really along for the ride. York were in the contest right until the last couple of starters, and both teams deserve congratulations for providing us with an absorbing contest.

Jeremy Paxman Watch

JP began early this week. When he believed Fred Harvey was a little less than engaged in the answer ‘Elizabeth Barrett-Browning’ he replied “Well, I’m sorry it’s so easy!”  Mind you, JP’s perceived attitude to English literature questions is that they ARE easy.

He forbore from further comment until York took a full bonus on fictional characters, and observed,

“You watch too much TV.”

Interesting Fact That I Didn’t Already Know Of The Week

Mascara is a city in Algeria

Birmingham Mega Quiz 2014

OK, let’s start with the facts. We came third in last night’s Birmingham Mega Quiz, and we were well beaten by the Bizarre Brains and the winners Utopia. Utopia, I’m sure, were the former winners Utopia Limited – I guess they junked the word limited since team maximum size had been increased to 6 from 4. They beat us because they were better than we were – throughout the whole quiz, not just the parts specifically on Birmingham. Even if there had not been a round specifically on Birmingham and the West Midlands they would have beaten us last night anyway. They were that much better than we were.

It was one of those nights that you have from time to time (not too often, mind, or you’d give it all up as a bad job) when all of your 50/50 answers go the wrong way, and you’re just not at the races, however hard you try. Maybe it might have helped if we’d notice that team size had been increased to 6, but there we are, we didn’t notice until it was too late. Mind you – and I hope that I’m not laying myself open to an accusation of sour grapes here – it didn’t do a great deal for our confidence when we arrived to see that the list of rounds included Round 9: Birmingham and the West Midlands. There is a precedent – we had a Birmingham round when we last lost in the rather shambolic 2011 competition. Oh well, as I said, it didn’t cost us the quiz, we’d already gone way too far behind even before that round. Well, while I’m whinging I will say that whereas a Birmingham and West Midlands round is just one of those things you have to grin and bear, I did feel that then having local news questions making up a good half of the news and current affairs round as well was taking the proverbial. Well, there we are, moan over.

I have to pay tribute to every other aspect of the way this quiz is run though. Last year we were sat at the back, practically in the car park. This year we were on table one at the front. Alright, so the poor old chairman, who made an opening address, can’t use a microphone for toffee and was unintelligible again. Apart from that though, once again Pete Morgan of BBC West Midlands radio proved he is a past master of the neglected art of getting the hell on with it. The quiz ran as smoothly as if it was on greased rails, and unlike last year there wasn’t the slightest controversy either. You have to admire an event which runs that smoothly.

So once again thanks Birmingham for a good evening.